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I don’t know about you but nursing my babies was not my forte. Now, I know it takes two to make this work (the baby and me) but still. One of us was only a few hours old! She certainly didn’t get much instruction and had to totally rely on instinct alone. Couple that with a new mother who had only read books and gone to traditional birthing classes and well, it’s no wonder I did not experience the legendary euphoria I’d heard so much about.

Latching on? Pumping? Football holds? Double nursing pillows? After reading what I could find on breastfeeding, I arrived at the conclusion that none of the potential issues I’d studied would make sense until I had baby (babies, in my case) in arms propped onto my breast. After all, wasn’t most of this instinct on the baby’s part?

My situation was an educational one. I had twin girls and while one’s instincts were spot on – her mouth searched, found and latched onto one nipple without hesitation – the other apparently decided to ignore Mother Nature’s impulses and couldn’t quite get that suction motion just right. It was a struggle every time it was time to feed…and that was a *lot* of times. So much for instinct.

Partly because I didn’t pump while in the hospital (didn’t realize I should), partly because I had two mouths to feed (milk production requirement was double that of a singleton – lots of pressure for a first time mom), partly because it was hard to get one to latch on to feed, partly because I was paranoid that both girls weren’t getting enough to eat, partly because I had to pump directly after every feeding session – nursing my babies was not a time of sweetness and rapture. I was tired. I was worried. So, why did I do it?

Well, there’s a ton of information out there as to why one should breastfeed and I realized that - like any book on pregnancy, raising children, sleep schedules and more – you have to choose what you believe makes sense and go with that. I believed that my girls needed to, at minimum, get those first few days of antibodies and nutrients. I believed that the longer I could breastfeed, the better it would be for the girls. I believed that a mother’s milk is better than formula in terms of nutrients and other good stuff. I believed that my mother/daughters bond would strengthen every time I held them so close as I fed them. I still believe all of that.

What I DID NOT believe is that nursing your children will make them smarter (couldn’t believe this came out of someone’s mouth). I did not believe that if I didn’t nurse them, they would eventually become the violent criminals in society we lock away (this was truly an amazing falsehood, too). I did not believe that my bond with my girls would not exist if I did not nurse them. I did not believe that I would be any less of a mother if I fed them formula.

And I still do not believe any of that. In fact, I learned that my own mother nursed me for all of two days. It hurt and she did not want to do it. And I love her very much. I don’t want to imagine a life without my mother around (or my girls’ grandmother). I did very well in school and went to a rather prestigious university. I have a beautiful, loving family. I have a fulfilling career. Who I am and what I’ve done had nothing to do with the fact that my mother did or did not breastfeed me as an infant.

So, if you happen to run into a misguided, fanatical breastfeeding zealot (and they do exist, surprisingly), ignore them. Do what feels right for you. If you love it, great. Do it. If it hurts or you’re too tired and can’t (or don’t want to) cope with the difficulties of breastfeeding, stop. Our babies’ happiness is deeply affected by our own – and that’s far more important to embarking on this new adventure called motherhood.

Posted by Linda D (December 7, 2007) Crossposted at Silicon Valley Moms Blog for Babes and Boobs: Breastfeeding Topic Day on Silicon Valley Moms Blog and its sister sites)